26lbs lighter

Yikes, the camera needs replacing. I'm now 26lbs lighter and beginning to feel a slight difference in my clothes. The nurse thinks my BP and pulse has gone up due to the Reductil but I think she just couldn't work the machine properly. She did lots of muttering about how she would have to check with the Dr and call me back that very afternoon, and I haven't heard from her since.

I have had a really upset stomach all week, so i don't know if that is a bug, the reductil, the heat or a combination of all these things. I'm not hungry at all, and even when I get some food I just pick at it. I do have a really dry mouth which is definitely a Reductil side effect so I'm having lots of water and mints as I am paranoid I have bad breath. Attractive eh?

We've bought a Wii console and a Wii fit, supposedy to get me fit but DH seems to be playing an awful lot of golf on it. I'm going to find out how to do it this weekend and then try and get a bit of a routine going .

I have my cousins coming for a visit on sunday, along with my sisters, which should be great fun. We got fed up with only seeing each other at funerals, and I am trying to make more of an effort at arranging social things, so we made this date. I am so anxious that people won't like me, or will be disgusted at how fat I am whenever I arrange something that I often back out due to nerves. Its stupid, because if I do make the effort I usually have a good time, and people presumably wouldn't bother accepting my invite, or inviting me, if they didn't like me a bit?

I've been sucked into too many forums of late. Facebook has just reunited me with an old friend, and I've been chatting to his fiance too, who seems really nice. There is also a new forum for the estate where I live, and we've already been to a Mum and baby get together which was good.

My resolution for the next month is to really start exercising - and to buy a new camera!

Whoops, where did I go?

Ahem, sorry about that, I seem to have inadvertently abandoned this blog for two months...where on earth did the time go?

Busy days...my girls both had a birthday, Grace is now three and Eva is one. We went on holiday to France, and have been seeing ILs as they are now back living in the UK.

I have started seeing a Hypnotherapist for my weight and for anxiety problems. Whenever I have seen anyone in the past they are only able to deal with one thing, so I saw someone for PTSD, someone else for grief, someone else for weight loss, and the thing is, these things can't be separated out. I am a sum of all of those things, so it is impossible to talk about why I overeat without touching on any of the other complicated little scenarios my mind throws up. The woman I am seeing has been realy good, and although I have only had three sessions I feel alot more in control of my eating.

I've got either a tummy bug or food poisoning right at this minute, which has been horrid for two days but seems to be improving. I've had some crackers earlier, and am just about to eat some potato wedges...hope I am better!

So far I have ditched 22lbs of fat, so I'm quite pleased with that. I finally started on Reductil last saturday, so that should help. I'm due to see my PCOS consultant on 1st October and I would like to have got to 3 stone off by then, which means I have 20lbs to go in around 11 weeks, which seems reasonable.

5% gone!

Its official. I did my first weigh in after a week of this journey, and have dropped 7lbs, which is 5% of my total. I'm very pleased with that.

Its bank holiday monday, which I had forgotten about. We have had a great weekend. On Saturday we went out for breakfast to our fave little cafe, and instead of double egg, chips, beans and mushrooms that I usually have, I had egg and mushrooms in a baguette with no butter. I also didn't help the girls finish their breakfast, which is where alot of my extra calories come from. That waste not want not philosophy is rubbish - its still wasted food, whether I leave it on the plate or stuff it in my mouth. I don't need it, so nit is still a waste.

We went shopping in town, and managed to get everything we were after, and ended up at the Garden centre with a car full of plants. I love my garden, and I also love the exercise it gives me, lugging plant pots about. We planted some, and have more to do in the week. Eva was on a mission to see how much gravel she could eat...you would think that after the first mouthful she would think 'Hmm, not tasty' but she ploughed on regardless. Grace made a brand new friend, a worm called Wormy who she made a little house for in a plant pot, with leaves for a bed and everything. She sobbed dramatically when I said she wasn't allowed to a) lick him and b) take him to bed with her. He got let go with much declarations of love and friendship, she was heartbroken to leave him.

Sunday we went to see one of Mart's cousins, who was having a celebration day to welcome their new baby son. It was lovely, they planted a Rowan tree as his name is Rowan, and did a time capsule for him. Grace and Eva loved seeing their cousin Nathan, and all the other little ones, and they had great fun peering into the garden pond and spotting a giant octopus and a crocodile apparently. I didn't go mad at the buffet table, just some egg sandwiches and 3 Hula Hoops.

Mart and I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark last night, and had an Indian. Well he did, I had my usual, 4 Poppadoms, some mango chutney and an onion salad - well, I like it! I stink today, which is very attractive.

So one week in, and I'm doing OK.

First hurdle

I was sure yesterday would be a disaster, as my Mum and sister always come to mine on a thursday night and we watch my box set of Six Feet Under (I lust after Nate, he's scrumptious!) and we eat lots and lots. I cook each week, because I love cooking, but we always overeat in a big way.

I felt sick for alot of the day as the Met is still doing its thing, so I wasn't overkeen on going out. In the end Grace and I put Eva to bed and then she helped me make soup. A packet of dried soup mix (pearl barley, lentils, beans, peas ) then chopped carrots, mushrooms, peppers, onions and leeks, a big splodge of liquid stock, veggie worcester sauce (Lea and Perrins has anchovies in, yuck) and some marmite and tomato ketchup and voila, thick vegetable and bean soup. I had some wholegrain bread in the freezer, so I defrosted that and warmed it through in the oven and we had a very nice,very filling meal without me feeling like I'd overdon it.

I had poached eggs and beans on toast for breakfast, and soup for lunch and tea, so not a bad day at all. Poached eggs are easy with my simple way of doing it - fill a frying pan with boiling water from the kettle and put the gas on under the pan. Crack in two eggs and leave the heat on under it for exactly one minute, then put a lid on it, turn the heat off and leave to stand. Delia advises 10 minutes but I think that makes the yolks hard, so I do 6 minutes.

We have got a family party tomorrow (saturday) so I'm a bit concerned about that, but I need to think positively, I am in this for the long haul so if I have one day when I eat a little bit more then it doesn't mean I've blown it and we might as well eat a chinese on the way home. This business is nothing to do with a diet and everything to do with what is going on in my head. Oh dear.....!

Not doing so bad...

Hmm, this has been ok so far - just one teeny weeny nervous breakdown about it on tuesday night, which is about average for me. According to my scales (and lets face it, that is what I will be using all the time for this experiment!) I have dropped.....7lbs!!!

I always lose lots in the first week, and I know the 'experts' would say its just water but so what? Its stil 7lbs that I am not carrying around, and it has given me a boost, so I don't care, I feel like I have taken the first important step.

So what did I eat? Monday was a sachet of Oatso simple porridge, then multi seed pitta with peanut butter and lettuce for lunch, a few left over broad beans at tea and a quorn fillet with mushrooms and peppers, baked potato, broad beans and broccoli in the evening. Tuesday was a large slice of wholegrain toast and scrambled egg, a cottage cheese and salad wholegrain sandwich and rice with broccoli, sweetcorn, scrambled egg and quorn ham. This is where the breakdown came in, as I ate that at 6 ish and was hungry again at 8 and got into a right state thinking this was too hard, I was useless, etc, etc so I had two slices of cheese on toast. It was hardly the end of the world, and obviously hasn't affected anything. Wednesday was two weetabix and milk, then cheese on toast for lunch and a huge veg stirfry with peppers, mushrooms, broccoli, carrots and courgettes with rice in the evening.

The major thing for me has not been eating butter - i LOVE butter, and I can't just have a little bit, I have it spread thick so you can taste it! I can't be doing with this 'Have a little bit of what you fancy, you can still eat your fave things when dieting' - well, clearly not, as my fave things are thick butter, lots of cheese, potatoes, bread - if I carried on eating that, I would stay fat. I need to cut out some things, and I am adding LOTS more veg,which is no hardship as I love veg. I get a weekly veg box from Abel and Cole and I need to start using it fully, instead of hiding some of it in the fridge and then shamefully throwing it away a week later lol!

I've went swimming on tuesday, which must have burned a zillion calories. I took the girls, so I couldn't swim, but I did lots of running in the water carrying them, and jumping up and down holding them, and as together they weigh over 4 stone thats quite a weight training exercise

I've just worked out that if I am to lose 2 pounds per week, I will have shed ten stone by the end of august 2009, in 70 weeks time. I WILL do this.

Day one - all the numbers

What on earth have I done to myself? This is the beginning of my journey back to health, after years of illness, neglect, tragedy and gluttony. I don't want to talk about weight 'loss', I want to talk about health gain. I need to change, for myself, for my daughters, and for my health

So all those boring numbers first. I am Lisa, I am 38 (allegedly, my inner self is a stroppy 15 year old with black lipstick and attitude - she only pops out occasionally these days, I'd like to see her more often) I have three daughters, Amy Rose, who died at two days old in 2004, Grace Violet, who is nearly 3, and Eva Primrose who is nearly one. I weigh 20 stone and 1lb (gulp!) and I have a cholestrol level of 7 (double gulp) My bust is 55", my waist (well, around where it should be) is 52" and my hips (or my hips plus the big saggy flap of belly) is 57.5". If I could claim to be 9 foot tall then I might be in proportion, but as it is I am 5'6" and I am going to die an early death unless I lose 10 stone in the next two year

I have PCOS, Polycystic ovarian syndrome, and take medication for that. I have just started Metformin again, which I was on before I got pregnant, and had to stop for as long as I was breastfeeding Eva. I am currently on 4 x 500mg a day and need to increase my dose to 6 x 500mg a day. My Gp will only prescribe me 3 tabs, so I am waiting for consultants letters and appeals to alow me my full dose. I am supplementing my GP prescription with the backlog of Met I have saved in my bathroom cupbaord. I also am waiting for approval to take Reductil, which I used to successfully lose 3.5 stone before I got pregnant.

I have added some photos, and I am just clinging onto the fact that I will be publishing more as I go along, and I WILL look better in them. This is as bad as it gets, from now on I am ditching this weight. This is the first step.